There are 2 parts to the longer answer. One: Hypnosis really works for many people around many issues. Two: Hypnosis taps into the deepest part of the mind, into our deep intention for health, wellbeing, safety, and into the will to live and keep living.

Is hypnosis a QUICK FIX for weight loss?

THE BIG PICTURE

Emily, 56, divorced her husband of 30 years and gained 30 lb in a year. Frightened by it, she called, asking “Is hypnosis effective for weight loss?”.

We chatted on the phone for a bit, and she really did not want to get back into therapy — “I”m done with that!” — she just wanted to lose the weight.  I proposed she come in for just one session so we could assess her situation and needs.

WHY HAVE YOU GAINED THE WEIGHT?

Emily thought the answer to that question was quite straightforward: “Now that Jack was out of the house, I was free to eat cookies and watch TV as much as I wanted!”

So is the answer just a diet? And is hypnosis helpful to tap into powerful motivation to diet and exercise? Could be. Worth researching (everything you try is your own personal research, after all; and LEARNING is the best of all outcomes!).

We covered a lot of ground in that first meeting. The Eating with Grace program is holistic and integrative, ie,  you are a physical-emotional-intellectual-spiritual being. Certainly Emily had been taking in too many calories, and at the end of the day they went straight into pounds. Certainly Emily had some feelings about the divorce and about living alone in a too-big house, and cookies and cable TV were her comforts.

WHAT SLIPS UNDER THE RADAR

Emily hadn’t even considered that the divorce had an impact on her mind and spirit. Sometimes we’re really tired out — “a divorce takes a lot out of you…” as Emily mused. There’s no energy to listen to the boredom, the emptiness; it’s easier to just fill it with food. The need to get re-engaged with life slipped under the radar until there was some new energy for it.

HOW HYPNOSIS HELPS

Emily and I agreed to work together for 5 sessions. She was really ready to get going on some weight loss, and the hypnosis (and self-hypnosis she did on her own) helped her motivation, and gave her some tools for cravings and weak moments.

What surprised Emily was using hypnosis to help her listen more deeply to herself and her own needs and feelings (part of the reason she got divorced!). She really wanted to start a new life for herself; but, understandably, she had some anxieties, and was easily overwhelmed and unable to just take baby stepping out steps.

How can hypnosis help you in knowing and listening to yourself more deeply? Maybe losing weight is an outcome of this listening?

The true facts: It is 2 days before Thanksgiving and Sally, the daughter, hasn’t returned Allison’s calls nor responded to messages on Facebook for the last 4 days. Allison has an agenda/expectation that Sally SHOULD respond, so Allison can ask a few important questions: What special dish can I make you? Are you bringing a friend? Is the friend vegetarian? Allison feels these are normal, sane questions and expectations. No, actually, Allison is absolutely CONVINCED these are normal, sane questions and expectations.

Allison worries. Thoughts like She’s in trouble. She’s mad at me. She is so disrespectful and I should have called her on it last time this happened. I can’t stand this. Now what am I supposed to do?

Allison loses some of last night’s sleep stewing about it. Decides to have some extra coffee and a muffin on top of her normal breakfast – after all, she’s tired and she deserves a little something to help her get through the busy day-before-Thanksgiving.

The extra coffee and sugar zing her tired adrenal glands and blood sugar. Up she goes into a whirl of energy. She forgets her list, remembers this when she pushes the cart through the Hannaford’s door, says OH SHIT too loud, stomps out, drives home, gets the list, drives too fast back to the store

How does the rest of the day go?

What do you think she bought to eat in the grocery store because she “deserved something” or “needed something?”

 How Should It Be?

When we have a picture of how it SHOULD be, we have forgotten several key truths. #1. We’re not in control of all the factors in the universe. #2. We never really know what it’s like to be another person. #3. No matter what we think and predict, it won’t be like that, because we can’t envision the future.

(this is a fun game to play with yourself: deliberately predict a future event, and compare how it actually turns out with your prediction)

There’s a key spiritual principle here:  How it IS is how it SHOULD be.

In Buddhist teachings, this is the teaching of karma: zillions of causes and conditions come together in THIS one moment creating THIS, however it is right now.

And what we are in charge of is NOT how it is right now, but how we RESPOND or REACT.

And in Christian teachings, there is the Serenity Prayer:

     Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. 

(Interesting that in all the 12-step programs of recovery from addiction, the Serenity Prayer is said at each meeting)

Accessing Grace.

So if it is in-the-present-moment where we actually have the possibility of real choice, what can wake us up to that? Good ol’ suffering, of course.

Hearing all the SHOULDS. Feeling the controlling feeling in her bodymind: tight jaw, mind so sure of itself. Noticing her emotional state: worrying, blaming, resenting.

If Allison had been able to at any point in her moments of struggle realize that she really was suffering and she really did not want to be suffering, she could have

• paused
• taken a breath
• made a phone call to a support person
• said the most basic of prayers:  HELP!
• broken the spell of the Reactivity
• made some difference choices

*RECOMMENDED: 

I know, I know. There is just too much to do.

Don’t believe every thing you think — Bumper Sticker.

Getting enough good sleep is maybe the BEST thing you can do to take care of your own good self.

Take good care, Anya

Rosa says: I think maybe the mindfulness practices are making a difference. Yesterday I did not rise up and yell at Parker, the mean and demanding son-in-law.  I just calmly answered his question and got off the phone. And with Jerry (the demanding absent-minded husband), I found myself taking a long slow breath before responding. It was the fifth time he asked me the same question!

Rosa leans back, then admits: But I really am impatient with the practices. My mind wanders. It takes too much time. I’d rather be ____________ (doing almost anything else).

Rosa signed up for the mindfulness class to help her with her night bingeing and lifetime of depression and low self-esteem. The practices are hard for her to do. Why should she? What really is the connection between 1/2 hour of some calming and centering practice, and being less reactive in relationships, including the relationship with food and feelings?

Hang out with a baby or a little kid, and watch how their attention bounces from red toy to your silver eyeglasses to light playing on the floor. Bouncebouncebounce. Bouncebounce. Sense impressions — sights, noises, sensations, tastes, smells — OOeeee! The world is Juicy!

We grownups have at least learned to sit down and read a page of something, to keep our eyes somewhat focused on someone who is speaking to us. Or have we? Out attention bounces too — try to sit still without moving anything other than your breathing for 5 minutes. And if the idea frightens you, wonder why.

What’s going on for most of us most of the time is Bouncing. Flitting. Bounding. Our animal bodymind is hardwired to use our senses to detect what we want to grasp (safety, food, shelter) and what we need to reject (danger). Our senses are busy!

Human beings have evolved: we are learning, miraculously, to be able to witness the reactions of our senses to things, and restrain (sometimes!) from just acting out our impulses.

It is definitely a higher state of evolution than the baby or the cat. And the baby and the cat inside us want to do anything but sit still, breathe and listen.

Back to Rosa. What courage it takes to just stick it out, keep her commitment to daily practice, and allow the questions to bubble up for examination. Is this really helping me? How?

Those of us who do have a daily practice (meditation, yoga, Tai Chi, etc) are not exactly saints you know. Nor are we wizards who have figured out how to manifest more time in the 24-hour day.

My experience is that we keep coming back to the practice out of a clear seeing that it truly does make a Big Difference, in this one day, and over the months and years. Less Reactivity, More Kindness to Self and Others. Clearer Sense of Real Priorities — in life, and in this one day. Welcome Insights.

And for people who are hooked into repetitive self-destructive behaviors, the ability to Pause, to ride out the Urge, to hold one’s seat and breathe.

And for me, today, more space to appreciate right now the violet sky of the beginning of sunset on a beautiful day.

Take good care, Anya

Offering web-based coaching & consultations for clients AND professionals.                                                                                               Offering articles, presentations, workshops on Eating with Grace and mindful eating.

Definition of unhappy: body feels bad after. Inner Critic is merciless: You blew it! How could you? AGAIN??????? (I am leaving the cusswords out here)

What really touched me: two people had nothing in the FEELINGS column. They knew what the behaviors were, what the Critical Mind was saying, even what the body felt, but EMOTIONS? Missing — no words for them.

Many of us grow up in families where emotional feelings are repressed, forbidden, denied, made to feel dangerous. What might happen if we had any idea what we were feeling? Well, remember what actually DID happen and you’ll find some clues about what you are afraid of.

In Cheryl’s family (NOT her real name — I never use names, and always make up stories from fragments of stories I’ve heard over the years, but keep people’s confidentiality sacred) feelings were a threat to her father, who was overworked and suffered himself from some trauma from the war. He had to keep his feelings under wraps. Noisy needy kids who cried or shouted set his jaw and shoulders tight; and sooner or later, he exploded. What does a child learn growing up in that kind of environment? FEELINGS ARE NOT SAFE AND ARE NOT TO BE EXPRESSED (among other things).

So, what we practice in Eating with Grace is beginning to bring a kind, compassionate awareness to the Feeling. Maybe we sit down with a cup of tea. Or lay down on the couch with a warm hand on our heart, or belly (cats and pillows are helpful!) Hello Feeling. I hear you. I hear what you are going through right now. It is ok. I’m listening. We can just rest here and make some space for you.

And resting for a while, we learn that feelings are not really dangerous.  They just need to be acknowledged, felt, accepted, heard.

Take very good care, Anya

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